FROM FRUSTRATION TO FORGIVENESS

“Peter approached Jesus and asked him,
‘Lord, if my brother sins against me,
how often must I forgive?
As many as seven times?’
Jesus answered, ‘I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.
That is why the kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king
who decided to settle accounts with his servants.
When he began the accounting,
a debtor was brought before him who owed him a huge amount.
Since he had no way of paying it back,
his master ordered him to be sold,
along with his wife, his children, and all his property,
in payment of the debt.
At that, the servant fell down, did him homage, and said,
‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full.’
Moved with compassion the master of that servant
let him go and forgave him the loan.
When that servant had left, he found one of his fellow servants
who owed him a much smaller amount.
He seized him and started to choke him, demanding,
‘Pay back what you owe.’
Falling to his knees, his fellow servant begged him,
‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’
But he refused.
Instead, he had the fellow servant put in prison
until he paid back the debt.
Now when his fellow servants saw what had happened,
they were deeply disturbed, and went to their master
and reported the whole affair.
His master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant!
I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me to.
Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant,
as I had pity on you?’
Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers
until he should pay back the whole debt.
So will my heavenly Father do to you,
unless each of you forgives your brother from your heart.’”  Matthew 18:21-35*

It sounds as if Peter, as might happen to you and me, was having a particularly frustrating time with someone. He asks Jesus for advice, and we can see from the way Peter phrases the question that he is looking for an answer that will give him a reason to stop forgiving the person. (I wonder what he wanted to do about his relationship with that person when that time arrived?) Jesus’ response at first selects a number of times that is so high that it might create in Peter an openness to consider a very different solution, one that may help Peter (and us) to see that the kingdom of heaven can be right here and right now, if only we could move ourselves to see what is happening to a mutual relationship way of envisioning the present rather than seeing the present as systems of agreed upon obligations between us and the people in our lives.

When do we operate as people living in a system of agreed upon obligations? Let us consider how we approach our everyday situations in the light of Jesus’ story about the merciful king’s relationship with his indebted servant vs. the unforgiving servant with his indebted fellow servant.

HOW I APPROACH MY EVERYDAY LIFE

How do we go through our normal days? For instance, let’s consider either the last week or the coming week in the light of the frame of mind that we bring to the situations we face.  Do we tend to be (1) in the kingdom of heaven (in a mutual relation with others as if we are living as an image and likeness of a God who is a Trinity of Persons) or (2) in a system of agreed upon obligations between us and the people in our lives?

In the midst of our everyday tasks, are we acting from a perspective of sustaining and building mutual relationships or from a perspective of settling accounts based upon the obligations that we expect of those who “owe” us something? Let’s ponder each of last week’s or the coming week’s everyday situations. In each, are we building the kingdom of heaven via strengthened mutual relationships or are we operating in a system of letter-of-the-law, agreed upon obligations? Some such situations are:

• matters of debt, financial and otherwise,
• matters of an obliged duty such as that of
  • a family member (my child who did not clean his room, my spouse who did not wash the shirt I want to wear,
  • the landscaper who chipped a paving stone),
  • a co-worker who did something that jeopardized the successful completion of a task that was my responsibility.

Let us see how, as Jesus is doing with Peter, we allow God, through always-offered graces and our cooperation, to change us to think and act in ways that are less motivated by obligation-ruled perspectives and more by relation-building perspectives.

Sister Loretta

This is the usccb.org Bible’s Footnote on The Gospel of Matthew 18:21-35:

* [18:21–35] The final section of the discourse deals with the forgiveness that the disciples are to give to their fellow disciples who sin against them. To the question of Peter how often forgiveness is to be granted (Mt 18:21), Jesus answers that it is to be given without limit (Mt 18:22) and illustrates this with the parable of the unmerciful servant (Mt 18:23–34), warning that his heavenly Father will give those who do not forgive the same treatment as that given to the unmerciful servant (Mt 18:35). Mt 18:21–22 correspond to Lk 17:4; the parable and the final warning are peculiar to Matthew. That the parable did not originally belong to this context is suggested by the fact that it really does not deal with repeated forgiveness, which is the point of Peter’s question and Jesus’ reply.